As your parents get older, they may require more care and attention than you and your siblings are used to. It could be through a slow, gradual decline or through something that happens very suddenly. One thing that we do know for sure is that you won’t be alone as you make adjustments to ensure your parents are cared for.
There are tens of millions of people in the United States who act as informal caregivers and provide unpaid care to their parents. From performing daily household tasks to managing finances, these informal caregivers can spend a large amount of time and energy caring for their aging parents.
There are many struggles that can arise with caregiving, and one of the most common and, quite honestly, most painful is sibling infighting. Tempers can easily flare as you manage a care plan for one or both of your parents. Sticking together is crucial, so we wanted to provide some tips on ways you can develop a plan with your siblings that will reduce everyone’s stress levels and ensure your parents receive the care and attention they need.
Get Everyone on the Same Page about Caregiving
If you are the primary caregiver, you have likely seen and experienced events that give you a better understanding of the care your parents need. Your relationship with your parents may be different than your siblings’ relationships with them, which could affect how they see the situation.
For example, it is very common for aging parents to downplay their condition to their adult children so they won’t worry about them. In other situations, though, a sibling who isn’t there may perceive that a parent is worse off than they really are. Everyone will have a different reaction to and perspective of what is going on.
If you are there every day, you can provide evidence of the level of care one or both of your parents need in order to enjoy a certain quality of life. You can then determine what duties need to be fulfilled, what constraints you and your siblings currently have, and opportunities where you can work together to better support one another.
Understand the Difference between Equal and Fair
A common mistake that families make is attempting to divvy up time and duties so each sibling is doing an equal share. This, unfortunately, is impossible as each person’s capacity will be different. Proximity to the parent, career and family responsibilities, skills, and willingness to perform certain tasks will all determine how duties should be delegated.
In many cases, one sibling may be more involved and have additional caregiving responsibilities than others. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. It just depends on the particular situation. Listen to your siblings’ ideas and concerns and speak about yours, so everyone can come to a consensus of what is fair.
Mitigate Childhood Dynamics and Other Obstacles
You’ve known your siblings for all or most of your life. As you deal with the challenges and emotions that are likely to come in this new stage of life, old childhood issues, grudges, and assumptions may arise that could lead to conflict. An older child might try to take over the planning, for example, because of his childhood role even though you are the primary caregiver.
Childhood dynamics could easily sour arrangements with your siblings, which is why it’s important to be mindful of them and open to the circumstances of the present-day situation. If there are issues, it’s best to work them out or seek help from a counselor or support group rather than to just give up.
Just as you have likely grown as a person since childhood, your siblings likely have as well. It’s important to see yourselves as you are today rather than who you were back when you were kids. Your number one priority now is to provide the best care you can for your parents, which means working together in the present.
Consider In-Home Care for Your Parent
If you and your siblings can no longer provide the care your parents need or if their conditions worsen, you may require additional assistance. Home care aides can assist with non-medical care on a short-term or long-term basis, depending on the needs of the patient as well as the schedules and capabilities of other family members and friends delivering care.
In-home care is a service that will provide you and your siblings with a supportive team that allows you to take care of your responsibilities and live full lives while ensuring the safety and security of your parents. At Westchester Family Care, we offer a wide variety of affordable options that can be catered to your individual situation.
As caregivers along with your siblings, you will have to determine if and when you need help. Our team would be happy to help you learn more about what in-home care is and answer any questions you may have about our services. Contact us today to find out how our family can help you care for yours.